A Letter to any New Momma-to-be

– I’m about to write to you what I wish I could have read while I was pregnant. To the pregnant hormonal momma reading this: this post is dedicated to you – 

I’ll never forget the first time I “pregnant” bawled over the most stupid thing. Want to hear what it was? I drove myself to the grocery store to get ice cream. I was craving it so bad, but was trying to behave so I got myself some Halo Top! I drove back home to sit on the couch and eat it in peace. When Matthew arrived home from work, he came over to the couch and goes “Oh give me a bite!” He took a small bite and I lost it! I bawled and yelled at him for ruining my peaceful moment of watching my show and eating. I got up, went into our bedroom – slamming the door might I add- locked it and ate on the bed. Keep in mind, for the past 5 years at that point we always snuck bites from each others’ plates. This was our normal. Pre-pregnant Rachel would have never been upset over something so trivial. With that said, for the hormonal pregnant lady reading this, you might have some (or a lot) of these moments and I hope you know it’s completely normal! I promise you, you are going to look back and laugh about it all.

I’ll never forget how paranoid I would get while driving. Not kidding, I drove 20 miles per hour everywhere. I already felt such a fierce love for those precious babies inside my belly and refused to put them in harm’s way. If I saw a person texting and driving, I would actually honk my horn at them while shaking my finger – like a little ol’ granny. Pretty much, I was the pregnant police. I would easily get full of rage if I saw someone driving recklessly. Didn’t they know there was a vulnerable pregnant woman driving?! I drive so differently now. I’m always wondering about who is driving next to me or behind me. If someone is driving extremely slow, it doesn’t make me mad anymore. I always assume there is a good reason why now. Ohhhh and don’t get me started on how I was the worst passenger ever! My poor mom and Matthew. Anytime I was a passenger in their car I was instantly critiquing the way they drove. “That’s too fast!!!” “Oh my god did you see that car!?! I have precious cargo”. I would always say that phrase – “I have precious cargo DRIVE SAFE!” 

I’ll never forget sitting in the bathtub, crying to Matthew as he sat on the toilet helplessly looking at me. I was SO pregnant (like beached whale pregnant) and was very over it. I put on a good face quite a bit, but in reality, I just wanted to meet my babies. I was crying for many different reasons. I cried because I was a high-risk pregnancy due to them being twins. I cried because I just wanted them to arrive in the world healthy and safe. I cried because I knew in a matter of weeks my life was going to change forever. What if I didn’t know how to be a good mommy? What if I don’t know what to do? To the momma-to-be reading this: I promise you that being a mom is instinct. The moment you lay eyes on your baby, the love you have already built will quadruple. You will naturally know how to care and love them. I promise you.

I’ll never forget how much I prayed. Oh my gosh… I have never talked to God as much as I did/do since getting pregnant and becoming a mom. It was always the same thing, “God I don’t care what they look like, I don’t care about anything except that they are HEALTHY”. When I went swimming laps during my pregnancy, I used that time to pray in my head as I swam back and forth…and back and forth. The same conversation over and over again. I still do that to this day. I pray for my little ones like you wouldn’t believe. To the momma-to-be reading this: God hears everything you are saying and it is not silly to pray. It is therapeutic as heck. I am a firm believer in the power of words and positive thoughts. It all begins and ends in your mind. What you give power to has power over you, if you allow it. Don’t forget that.

I’ll never forget crying to Matthew because I selfishly was worried my body would be “ruined”. I remember having such mixed emotions. I felt guilty that in such a pregnant state where I was harboring life (something beautiful & miraculous), I was so concerned about my image. Ugh, the guilt! To the momma-to-be reading this: it is not selfish. You are human and its natural to care about your body image. It’s normal. It’s also normal to be worried about the aftermath. The truth of the matter is, you don’t exactly know what it will be like until YOU go through it. Every recovery is different. Every woman’s body is different. The anxiety you feel about this is normal. However, I promise you will be so head over heels in love that you won’t care for a few months what you look like. Seriously, I looked like a homeless person for months and did not care!

I’ll never forget when I was admitted to the hospital to get induced. My OB looked at me and asked, “Are you ready to have these babies?!” They wheeled me in to deliver and my whole body started trembling, even my jaw. I asked if this was normal and they affirmed that it was just a hormonal response. I was ready. Both babies were delivered naturally and when Olivia first came out, she screamed.  I looked at her, then up at Matthew’s face. He says quietly “Oh my God…” his eyes locked on Olivia as tears are streaming down his face. Six minutes later, Oliver arrived and we became a family of four. To the momma-to-be reading this: don’t forget to look up at your husband’s face when you see your baby for the first time. I did by coincidence and it is the most raw and beautiful image forever ingrained in my mind. As the mother, we are instantly connected to our babies since day one because we physically feel them growing by the week. It doesn’t always hit the father until they see that baby for the first time and let me tell you, its such an incredible experience!

To the pregnant hormonal momma reading this: all these crazy feelings you are experiencing are normal. I promise you, all the ups and down will be worth it. Hang in there and enjoy all the baby kicks you can. It won’t be long until you are holding your precious babe in your arms and your life will change forever!