I love these weekly Things You Ask Thursday because you all ask such awesome questions. Not to mention you ask a lot of personal ones which makes me feel good because it shows you value what I have to say. Before I get started, thank you for being vulnerable and trusting me to answer these.  There have been many questions sent my way that I, at one point, wondered myself. These are the most important to me to answer. I know how lonely the unknown can be, so I genuinely hope these blog posts help and inspire you! Now, I have to say, without a doubt the top question asked is “Did you suffer from postpartum depression/anxiety and how did you handle it?” That’s a particularly heavy one I have waited on answering for months now because I do not want to speak for everyone when I give advice. I decided the best way to go about answering is to personally share how I handled this obstacle.

As a disclaimer, I would just like to say that I am not a doctor! If you believe you are suffering from postpartum depression/anxiety, talk to your doctor about the options you have. I am a twin momma who is 7 months postpartum. I am about to share my personal story and how I handled (and continue to handle) postpartum anxiety.

Let’s dive in, shall we? I did not suffer from depression but after my babies were born, the responsibility of becoming a new mom to twins did cause a lot of anxiety for me.  I had hyper-alertness and vigilance 24/7. My mind was racing constantly and my thoughts consisted of a lot of these things:

  • “What if the baby suffocates?”
  • “What if they slip under the water during a bath?”
  • “What if someone breaks into the house and snatches them?”
  • “What if I get in a car crash while driving?”
  • “What if a car hits us while we are going for a walk?”

Friends, these were just a few of many obsessive thoughts going through my mind…constantly. I had so many irrational thoughts and knew early on that I needed to learn how to handle them. It was crucial to learn how to get these under control and not let them rule every single second of my day. They were robbing me of times where I should just be enjoying my babies.Where were all these fears coming from and how could I better understand what my body was going through mentally & emotionally? To a new momma reading this, here are some important key points to keep in mind if you are experiencing postpartum anxiety:

  • There is a huge hormonal shift. Your estrogen and progesterone levels increase drastically during pregnancy then fall to essentially zero within 24 hours of your delivery.
  • You are most likely dealing with a lot of sleep deprivation (Dear God I know I was) which of course affects how you feel – period.
  • There are major changes to your relationship with your significant other.
  • There are new major responsibilities in your life – the most important being round-the-clock care of a newborn(s).

Personally, once I realized what exactly I was feeling and dealing with, I flat out would ask moms (that I knew very well – I’m not that creepy!) if early on they had felt this way. There was not a single mom who told me they did not and that alone made me feel better. They each had their own way of dealing with postpartum anxiety. It was up to me to figure out what worked for me and how to cope with it.  I will be straight-forward and say I 100% did not want anxiety medicine. Anxiety/Depression medicine has its place, some people really do need it. However, I feel it is overprescribed and in my situation I could manage it in other ways. The book I am currently reading now, Unmedicated by Madisyn Taylor, actually makes a really great point when you are visiting your doctor to talk about this. Here’s a section of the book that made a lot of sense to me:

“You must advocate for your own health because nobody else is going to do it for you. You must practice being inquisitive, informed, and proactive. At first, it may be challenging and even intimidating to question your doctor. I know firsthand because I had to find the courage to speak up. Now, whenever I am offered medication, I always ask these two questions:

  1. Is there a lifestyle change I can make first to avoid taking this medication?
  2. Is there an underlying, root cause of the condition?

It isn’t always possible to find the answers, but I always investigate first, and being informed leaves me empowered rather than deflated. When you decide to really advocate for your own health, it means having a conversation with your doctor and then researching on your own.”

She had some great points because a lot of times anyone can blindly take whatever is recommended to them. Maybe that medication will help, but maybe it won’t. There might be an alternative you just are not thinking of. I like how she encourages her readers to be inquisitive if they are in this particular situation. I hope you find it as useful as I do! A fun fact about the author is that she was on anxiety/depression medication for years. She eventually weaned herself off (with the support of her doctor & loved ones) and that is what inspired her to write a book about it. I really enjoyed what she had to say because she gave both perspectives. One being on the medication and one off. It helped me to better understand anxiety on a different level and learn of coping mechanisms that are available.

Anyways, back on topic!

Once I realized what I was experiencing I set out to make a game plan for myself:

Rule #1: Exercise daily, even if it was just to go for a walk. Now, I can not stress enough how much this has impacted me. I will leave an anxious mess and come back a completely different person. Exercise truly has been my golden ticket. It’s funny because people comment on how great I look and how the weight just melted off. Guys, I haven’t even been focusing on my looks. I genuinely just want to feel better, to be mentally & emotionally stable and the physical stuff is just a side effect of that. My best advice, throw away the mentality of going to workout postpartum to look good. Screw that! Make yourself go workout to FEEL GOOD! My mind is screaming so many thoughts as I leave to go walk/swim laps and after I’m done it’s quiet, calm, and under control. Exercise is proven to alleviate anxiety and depression, positively affecting your mood for hours. That’s why I do it daily and make it a priority. Also, I have become consistent at communicating to Matthew when I am starting to feel on edge and anxious. Being very open with my husband has made this process 1,000 times easier. It’ll be the weekend and I’ll simply look at him saying “I need some fresh air, I’m going for a 20-minute walk”. He knows that means,”Hey babe, I’m trying to be nice over here but secretly I might lose my marbles and I need an endorphin high.” He just gives me a soft smile, tells me to go for it because he’s “Super Dad”. Gosh, I love that man.

Let me make something very clear, I use to get major anxiety just going for a simple walk with my babies. It’s funny because I have posted on my page of us walking countless times but it was not always so manageable. In the beginning, I would have my mom or Matthew go with me because I just wanted that support. This situation reminded me of when I used to be scared to go lift in the weight room where all the guys would lift. I would make one of my friends go with me until I finally built the confidence to do it all on my own. This insecurity and uncertainty was something I hadn’t felt in years (I’m talking high school). The only way I knew how to deal with these feelings was to keep making myself go outside my comfort zone until it became comfortable. The things that scared me, I kept doing them. Every time I started to have bad thoughts, I shut them down. I would literally tell myself, “shut it down and think about something positive”, so that’s what I did. Let me also make clear, that I use to get overwhelmed with guilt and anxiety if I left them (for even an hour) to go exercise/ run an errand. This was something I would make myself do regardless of how I felt because I knew in my heart it was healthy. To the anxious new mom scared to leave their baby, you are not a bad mom for getting a little “you” time! I repeat you are NOT a bad mommy!

Oliver and Olivia were about 7 pounds in this photo. Their stroller we had for them was still too big so we found a smaller stroller at a garage sale that worked. It was bright pink… Every time I walked past someone they would say “Aw Congrats! Twin girls!” hahaha sorry Oliver!

Rule #2: Leave the house, go somewhere, every day.  This may sound like common sense to someone reading this…like duh why wouldn’t you leave the house? When you have brand new babies it’s a lot of work to leave and do…anything. Honestly, I spend more time preparing to leave then what I am actually gone for. For me, this rule helped a lot with the anxiety because I faced some of my main fears head-on. Scared of driving? Then I’m going a drive because this is something I will have to get over. I need to be able to drive places…Scared to leave the babies for just an hour? I am going to swim laps and take a little time for me so I come back a more patient & kind mom. Leaving the house and getting out is essential, with or without babies. It’s important for you to get out!

They were maybe a month and a half in this photo! It was hard for me to go places at this point. I would always at least go to my parent’s house because that was one of my goals… to go somewhere every day! Plus, I knew I would have some baby holders there! hehe

For my situation, I do treat exercise mainly as my anti-anxiety medication. I need it daily and I go to a great effort of making it work because otherwise, I would be an anxious mess ALL.THE.TIME. Everyone and every postpartum journey are different. I felt a need to share my journey with it because I remember wondering how other moms handled this. Personal stories of others have always helped me in situations like this because it’s comforting to know how someone else does things! Whether you decided to take this advice or not, it’s up to you. Just know that if you are feeling postpartum anxiety, you are not alone and its a lot more common than you think. Another important thing to keep in mind is that someone might be experiencing this even if they don’t show it. It’s easy to look at someone and think they are doing everything effortlessly without a worry in the world. Personally, I don’t wear my emotions on my sleeve and I never have. Some people would never guess I went through any of this on a daily basis because I rarely show it except to a very few individuals!

Be kind for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.

Happy Thursday, lively folk! Thanks for stopping by the blog today!