Hi hi hi! I’ve been slightly scatterbrained the past few days. Matthew was out of town for a work the beginning of the week so I have been in super mommy mode and did not get to my regular Thursday post together as soon as I hoped! Regardless, here I am! Happy almost Friday, friends! Le’ts dive right on in.

1.) My baby is 4 months old and I still feel a lot of anxiety. Before you tell me to talk to my doctor I already have (I understand you have to say that for liability reasons). We have come up with a game plan but I just wanted to ask from one mother to another, has your postpartum anxiety improved? Gotten worse? I’m feeling really hopeless because I feel like I am always going to be on edge, always worrying about everything that could go wrong, and not enjoying the precious moments.

Hi sweet momma friend! Yes, on this I can only share on my own personal experience and what has worked for me and I am more than happy to do so! My babies are 9 months and I feel better by the month, truthfully. In the beginning, I did not feel crippled by the anxiety but it 100% affected my mood. Typically, I consider myself easy going and relaxed. I felt like, especially in the first 3-4 months, I was so uptight and ready to freak out on any little thing (by the way I freaked out all the time haha). Most of this was/is fear based because I just wanted my babies to stay safe. As time goes on and the anxiety becomes less and more in control it’s easier for me to understand what was and is going in. I felt, in a matter of seconds of my babies being born, not only an intense amount of love but also the responsibility hit me like a freight train. The amount of responsibility, ooph, I’ve never felt so much intensity combined with love in my life. As I reflect back I do feel like this feeling is normal and something every mother feels but perhaps on different levels. On this blog, I have mentioned that exercise has immensely helped me. I’ll link it here so you can give that a quick read as well.

It’s ironic you asked this question because just last week I was talking to Matthew about anxiety. I told him that at times I don’t know if it has really gotten easier or if he and I have just become a lot more tough, mentally! I think it’s a little bit of both! There are situations where the level of anxiety can be higher than others. When it is super high, now, I feel myself genuinely growing as a person because I have learned to stay very calm on the exterior so my babies do not pick when I have nervous fearful energy. The only way to have this all make sense is to give you an example! You ready?

When my babies were just a few weeks old my parents got a new dog, half german shepherd, and half Australian shepherd, named Gretchen! She is such an amazing dog but as a new puppy was full of energy! I use to freak out if she was in the same room as Oliver and Olivia. I literally could not relax and whenever she was within five feet of a baby, I would yell at whoever was holding them to, “Watch out for Gretchen! Don’t let her jump”. It’s okay to say this initially, but I yelled it every time she came close to a baby (every 20 seconds). I would leave the house nervous, on edge, and angry thinking of all the possible bad things that could have happened. Gretchen wasn’t even doing anything, might I add. I just would get overwhelmed with fear for my babies. Lets fast forward to now! Whenever I’m holding one of my babes at my parent’s I get down low so Ollie or Liv can “pet” Gretchen. They love her and she loves them! She licks their toes and fingers and they think it’s so funny. Now, I still feel anxious every time I do this but I know it’s important that both the babies and the dog get used to one another. Trust me, I’m ready to go into attack mode if I have to and they are never left alone with any dog but I have learned to stop yelling every five seconds “don’t let the dog get near the babies!”. Gretchen still likes to occasionally jump on me out of excitement when she greets me. However, every time I roll up with the babies in the stroller she will casually run over and greet them first by licking their feet. It’s like she knows they are beyond precious to me and she better not mess around.

The most current situation that gives me anxiety and fear is the fact that I have one crawler (Oliver) and one about to crawl (Olivia)! We have baby proofed our home fairly well but I get struck with fear leaving them alone to get some food from the kitchen or go to the bathroom. You hear horror stories and worry, I think this is also normal being a momma! Oliver is already getting into everything – the little dude is ready to explore! So finally I had enough. I made a baby prison in the living room so that when I have two crawlers, which is in a matter of days, I know they are safe while I’m out of the room for a few minutes!

At first, I felt mean “confining them” (mom guilt is a real thing) but it’s purely for their safety and my piece of mind!

To the momma who asked me if my anxiety has gotten better and if there is hope. I can tell you that with my experience it has. Good for you for talking to your Doctor and making a game plan! But from one mother to another I do believe that it is natural for us to worry about our babies safety. We are their main protectors. We carried them in our bellies for 9 months and we love them fiercely. The fear and anxiety you are experiencing shows how precious they are to you. For me, I found that with time I learned how to handle the fears I felt. Every day I gain more patience, calmness and try my hardest to practice grace. Something that I remind myself every single day is that the energy I give off affects Oliver and Olivia. If I act uptight, frantic, and uneasy they can sense that and in turn not be happy. If I remain calm and kind (regardless of anxiety) they pick up on that and are my happy sweet babies! This is the biggest motivator for me to remain calm and kind on the daily. I hope this helps!

2.) Can you give a current example of what you eat daily for every single meal?

I’m a creature of habit so this is a typical day for me, at least 3-4 times out of the week!

Breakfast: Coffee with coconut milk and collagen. Better Oats Oatmeal (cinnamon roll flavor) topped with a TBS of peanut butter.

*Side note on the collagen: I’ve noticed a drastic difference in my right knee (which has gone through 3 ACL surgeries) since taking collagen. I originally started taking it because I read it’s very beneficial for your skin! How it has been benefiting my knee really threw me off. I read it was helpful for joint pain but didn’t want to get my hopes up. Thought I would just briefly mention that. It’s a lot less achy…what a nice little surprise! I talk about more of the benefits of collagen in this post.

Snack #1: Banana

Lunch: Cauliflower rice topped with some shredded cheese and guacamole salsa.

Snack #2: Apple with peanut butter. Yes I know I am a peanut butter addict! #noshame

Dinner:  Spaghetti squash topped with ground turkey & marinara and a side of roasted Brussel sprouts.

Sweet snack craving: Boom Chicka Pop kettle corn…Oh, my gosh…SO GOOD!

3.) Would you ever consider opening a gym at your home and training clients from there?

Our plan is to move into a different house in the next year or two and I most definitely would want to have a home gym wherever we live next! That is the goal! I always loved the idea of training clients from my home, especially once my babes are older. With that being said nothing is set in stone. Personal training is something I genuinely love and will go back to eventually. At the end of the day, it will come down to whatever works best for my family. Who knows what the future holds!

I’m going to save some of the bigger questions you guys had for next weeks post…because they are good ones (: That’s all for now!

Happy Thursday & Stay Lively!